"I don't have a problem with religion- I have a problem with it's followers." -some fucking person sometime, but I agree. and I know its petulant of me, I have no problem with good Christians and faithfuls, I have many friends of mixed faiths and this piece is laced with anger, sarcasm, and a bit of some pent up passive aggression on my end. It's not meant to offend, but it's likely going to. I apologize ahead of time, this particular heathen pagan practices and preaches tolerance and sometimes my levels of stomaching being told what I believe in isn't a religion or part of history frustrates me to no end. That all being said, I hope that someone finds humor in this, or perhaps a bit of repeatability. This doesn't reflect my actual views on Christianity.
God is in the TV child, and if you wait you can pay off your
sins for only three easy installments of 999.999. And if you act now, if you
only act now, child, you’ll find that you’ll be able to find God in every
greased page of your favorite blue ray player but it’s only free after you pay,
child, pay for those sins you’ve wrought just by breathing. But you’ll need it,
a good old fashioned heaping of guilt and reaping of your parent’s sins, pay
attention child don’t let that attention wander off that’s the devil’s tools
don’t you see? Child I’m telling you the key to your salvation now is found
between the thighs and the curved genitalia of the beauty you see on the
television and in the newspaper ads, look at that? The closest thing to God is
pure cocaine, child, and enough energy to speed through this life that they
spoon feed you straight to that path of thigh-gaps and wigs because your hairs
too brittle to bleed, child. God is everywhere, child, watching your nasty
sinful self take advantage of that beautiful temple that those heathen evil
devil worshippers will tell you was good and clean until we told you otherwise.
God is in the strong male in his power suit with his boot against the feminine back
of the broken submissive wife smiling like a good little table, child, he’s in
the power suit of the cuffs of those who hold all the money because the church
needs your donations to ignore the homeless at its doors. But I don’t worship like that. But you don’t worship? Why wouldn’t
you worship? God is everywhere, child. He’s in your books, in your television,
in your internet, he’s even got a Facebook if you look hard enough just praise
the one who carried you through with enough likes and shares. He’ll forgive
anyone for the right price child! Murderers, Pedophiles, adulterers but he’ll
never forgive the ones who live their life pure because they can’t see his infallible
glorious golden face. If you want to be a good one, a pure one, a child of God’s
chosen sex and ideals you’ll have to read the scripture and listen to the way
that we interpret it because we don’t count those other things as religions
when we toss them in the spiritual section of our Barnes and Nobles. We’ll
never suffer a Witch to live because we know that such a peaceful purified
thing that tries to teach us our bodies are beautiful natural things is far
more awful than the repenting murder trying to sneak into heaven child. Cover your
bodies when the men bring you dancing, child, and stop trying to tell me
otherwise this nonsense about loving something that isn’t written in the
scripture the way I read it back when we still had all the power child. When
you’re not covering your body child it’s important to God that you find a way
to completely turn yourself into the object of a man’s fantasy, forget this bit
about self-love and the things that ‘feel good to you’ child because that’s the
devil’s work, no woman should know her body like she knows her husbands and
absolutely no more nonsense about this loving other people regardless of their
bodies gender! And get that ring, child, fight your fellow woman and go for
that circlet of wealth and ruin because it’s the end all to the world and the
proof of your ever faithfulness and child if that man’s eye wanders it’s God’s
ideals that it’s your fault. I don’t
think that’s what marriage is- but child aren’t you listening or are you
determined to burn in the hells fire of damnation because eternity is a long
time child to not have to think about your soul and you’ll look back one day
and thank me on this. Whoever told you God is love forgot to mention that there’s
always a stipulation, always some clause you missed in the tiny print of this
great book written by the hands of man to interpret his word – and again child
it’s important to remember that there’s no other religion besides ours everyone
else is wrong. God wants you to know that they’re wrong. We’re all wrong,
sinful, evil things at heart we’re born in sin and we’ll die in sin but never
forget that Jesus died so you could buy this new car. God can reach you child,
through the web or through your cellular device if you’d only love him enough
to buy his new app.
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